Reminder: Life is a Mirror

I was recently in a class-like setting for a program I'm taking. There are ten people in this program and we all come from different walks of life. We are asked to face things about ourselves that may be tough to look at. Mistakes we have made. Patterns of behaviour that we have had. We talk about goals and decision making and getting to a higher place within ourselves.

So on our first day I walk in and see many young people there, a couple older ones, and one or two my age. There's guys and girls, many ethnicities, and a facilitator who is semi-retired and has a wonderful soul. He's now near and dear to my heart.

As we begin the discussions, we share details of our lives that may not be oh so comfortable to share. And, as always, there is one person in the group that tends to stick out. He's not sure why he is there. He explains that he's never made any mistakes and takes no accountability whatsoever for past actions. Instead, he wants to argue and ridicule, certain that he doesn't belong.

It makes the group uncomfortable and what could be a really strong, positive discussion is slightly off-put by the attitude of just one.

So I realize at this point that I have a few options. I came to the class to learn. I came to enhance my life, take a look at decisions I've made and take greater steps towards my own goals. I don't want it to be clouded by this guy - how could he ruin it with his silly jokes!

Then I think, I feel kind of sorry for him. He seems to really not understand the point of the group or the idea that if things happen to us, we can either be victims or we can be heroes that learn from mistakes and thrive triumphantly in the face of adversity.

Part of me wants to reach out to our teacher who is dealing with his bad attitude in a light-hearted manner. I want to hug him and say thanks for dealing with this jackass.

But finally, I settled on this. What is inside of that guy that is inside of me? Why do I want his behaviour to change? We cannot change others, but we can change what is in us that reflects and projects onto others.

So I begin to realize that maybe I'm a bit hostile to past mistakes. Although I've come to this class with an open heart, a thirst for growth, and a giant feeling of accountability, have I really dealt with some of the mistakes I might have made in my short life? And he's a very intelligent man who is proud of the good things he has accomplished, in a way I admire. Have I also really given myself credit for the good things I have done as well or do I downplay them instead?

When I began to look at him as part of me, my feelings toward the hostile situation changed. It's almost like I took the sensitivity out of the equation. Any frustrations or anger or embarrassment I had dissipated.  Instead I felt free.

Free to examine my own issues rather than focus on what's going on outside of me. "For whatever is going on outside of you, is going on inside of you." (I don't know who said that, but it felt quoteworthy.)

The people we meet are mirrors, reflecting back what's happening internally. I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason" as much as I believe that we see how things happen from how we are. Our own perspective leads us to interpret events in meaningful ways. It feels like it happened for a reason if you can make one for it. That's learning. That's growth. And that's wonderful.

It's deep, I know. But it makes a world of difference when dealing with certain situations in life. I've dated men who I have felt are immature or sensitive or too this or too that. And all of a sudden, this shift occurs when you realize that those are traits that are reflecting back from you. It's what you see in yourself that you see in others. I've also dated men or had girlfriends that I'm wowed by: that are intelligent and witty and confident. That is also strong traits of myself coming out in the people I have and love in my life.

All of a sudden, I realize that if I can strive to literally be the best me (so cliche) then I will see all of that best in others. And when I don't see the best in someone, I can take note that those traits are within me as well. Rather than being angry with them, I can fuel my personal journey.

It brings me back to the concept of ubuntu (my favourite African concept again): "I am who I am because of who we all are."

Reminder: life is a mirror. See the best traits in others and also see the worst. You can see what is going on inside of you in them. And remember that you can only change you. But in doing so - others may just take a note and change too.

And be kind. Always be kind.

So much love!

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Oh perseverance, you sly cat

You know the moment. That one where you want to give up, but you push through anyway to find the end result is better than you expected?

My kayak is teaching me all kinds of things, but this past Sunday's trip was the biggest lesson. Let me explain.

After getting Kelp (for those of you who missed it, Kelp is my kayak. I like to name all of my mere possessions, maybe because I have so few. My plant's name is Jose Ricardo. You'd like him. He's sweet.) all strapped up on my car, I headed off on a little jaunt thinking, "It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I'm going to drive right up to the lake and set off on a journey" (or something not quite so lame). Since moving here I've wanted to get out on Kalamalka lake, known for it's crystal blue green waters. Leaving so randomly at 4 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, listening to Edward Sharpe and having no idea where I was going, seemed great.

Yeah, not so much. I probably tried 16 different spots to get into the water. Some were not hand launches, meaning there were boats all around me, backing up, sideways, yelling at me for being in their way (maybe not yelling so much, but honking and it felt hectic). There were a few places that had huge NO TRESPASSING signs up, even though I could see the water so close I wanted to run right into it. And a few spots weren't even Kalamalka, they were Wood Lake, the neighbouring one that I've already been on.

Not only this, but a kayak is pretty awkward. So in front of all of these young boaters who are all shiny shirts, pumping tunes (I think Wake Me Up by Avici is the only song they know how to play) and being altogether 'super groovy' I didn't feel like getting out, hauling my bulky kayak off my car and all the way to the dock by myself. They were ruining my moment!

I decided, super frustrated, to go home. Maybe I'd just go off to Wood Lake like I always did. Get a paddle in and move on with my day. But, I saw a sign for Kekuli Bay and thought I would try one. more. time. At first glance, more shiny shirts...but then, like a cloud clearing up, I saw a small hand launch beach! And better yet, two gorgeous long haired men (the least shiny shirted possible) coming up with two kayaks. My place!

So I set off. Confidently taking the kayak off my car in front of all these boaters and pulling it to the privacy of the beach. And the water! Oh my gosh. I can't describe it, but here's a few snapshots.

Not only was it the most beautiful water I've yet to paddle on, but there was an even bigger highlight. I found a small dock that was enclosed just off the side of a hill with no one around. It was around the bend, so the sun was shining right on it. Then and there, I banked the boat and went for an epic float.

And as I was floating on my back in this crystal blue green water (with my purple tie dye bathing suit on, feeling a bit like a mermaid) thinking about nothing, but finding answers to everything, I realized that this day was just a metaphor for life. Life always seems to work that way. You try something, it doesn't work. Maybe you try again - it still doesn't go your way. You get frustrated, you think you should give up, you want to turn around or go away, and yet sometimes you persevere. Even if you think you'll look like a knob or if you're scared and tired. I always seem to find that if you have the right intentions and you push just a little harder at the things you enjoy most, all of a sudden you find yourself in a world of opportunity. On Sunday, my world looked like this. Am I glad I kept going?

Si claro!
The lesson? Always persevere, even if you have NO IDEA where you're going.
(Duh.) 

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Perspective

per·spec·tive  (pr-spktv)
   n.             
               1.
                              a. A view or vista.
                              b. A mental view or outlook: "It is useful occasionally to look at the past
                              to gain a perspective on the present"(Fabian Linden).

Some days I get in a funk. I'm working and studying and potentially stressed or tired. I'm not feeling like I'm necessarily doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's that twenty-something quarter crisis. Am I successful? Am I happy? "What else do I need to do?" and "Where am I going?" is always on my mind.

But wait. In May alone, I visited my friends on the East Coast, I had more laughs than I can count, I gathered with a group of strong, wise and wonderful women for a friend's wedding and now I'm at my sisters where I get to wake up everyday to my nephew and spend the nights cooking and zombie killing with my sister and bro-in-law (to each their own, right?)

If I put it that way, my perspective on life changes. Woah, I am happy.
Woah, I have an abundant life.

What if, rather than watching the awful news and hearing everything negative, we instead looked forward with happiness and hope and optimism in our lives! This man below will share with you a positive message as to how we can overcome all of the crises and challenges that arise in this (often depressing) world of news.

We truly are living in an extraordinary time. What if we could change the definition of poverty? What if poverty meant that you simply didn't have a billion dollars? But you did have running, clean water. You did have enough food to feed the family, every single day. You did have a roof over your head and the democratic right to vote. Woah?

Some days you need a message of optimism, abundance and ultimately... of hope.

Hey-ohhhhhh. Bye bye negative news. Let's get some perspective.

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