Reminder: Life is a Mirror

I was recently in a class-like setting for a program I'm taking. There are ten people in this program and we all come from different walks of life. We are asked to face things about ourselves that may be tough to look at. Mistakes we have made. Patterns of behaviour that we have had. We talk about goals and decision making and getting to a higher place within ourselves.

So on our first day I walk in and see many young people there, a couple older ones, and one or two my age. There's guys and girls, many ethnicities, and a facilitator who is semi-retired and has a wonderful soul. He's now near and dear to my heart.

As we begin the discussions, we share details of our lives that may not be oh so comfortable to share. And, as always, there is one person in the group that tends to stick out. He's not sure why he is there. He explains that he's never made any mistakes and takes no accountability whatsoever for past actions. Instead, he wants to argue and ridicule, certain that he doesn't belong.

It makes the group uncomfortable and what could be a really strong, positive discussion is slightly off-put by the attitude of just one.

So I realize at this point that I have a few options. I came to the class to learn. I came to enhance my life, take a look at decisions I've made and take greater steps towards my own goals. I don't want it to be clouded by this guy - how could he ruin it with his silly jokes!

Then I think, I feel kind of sorry for him. He seems to really not understand the point of the group or the idea that if things happen to us, we can either be victims or we can be heroes that learn from mistakes and thrive triumphantly in the face of adversity.

Part of me wants to reach out to our teacher who is dealing with his bad attitude in a light-hearted manner. I want to hug him and say thanks for dealing with this jackass.

But finally, I settled on this. What is inside of that guy that is inside of me? Why do I want his behaviour to change? We cannot change others, but we can change what is in us that reflects and projects onto others.

So I begin to realize that maybe I'm a bit hostile to past mistakes. Although I've come to this class with an open heart, a thirst for growth, and a giant feeling of accountability, have I really dealt with some of the mistakes I might have made in my short life? And he's a very intelligent man who is proud of the good things he has accomplished, in a way I admire. Have I also really given myself credit for the good things I have done as well or do I downplay them instead?

When I began to look at him as part of me, my feelings toward the hostile situation changed. It's almost like I took the sensitivity out of the equation. Any frustrations or anger or embarrassment I had dissipated.  Instead I felt free.

Free to examine my own issues rather than focus on what's going on outside of me. "For whatever is going on outside of you, is going on inside of you." (I don't know who said that, but it felt quoteworthy.)

The people we meet are mirrors, reflecting back what's happening internally. I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason" as much as I believe that we see how things happen from how we are. Our own perspective leads us to interpret events in meaningful ways. It feels like it happened for a reason if you can make one for it. That's learning. That's growth. And that's wonderful.

It's deep, I know. But it makes a world of difference when dealing with certain situations in life. I've dated men who I have felt are immature or sensitive or too this or too that. And all of a sudden, this shift occurs when you realize that those are traits that are reflecting back from you. It's what you see in yourself that you see in others. I've also dated men or had girlfriends that I'm wowed by: that are intelligent and witty and confident. That is also strong traits of myself coming out in the people I have and love in my life.

All of a sudden, I realize that if I can strive to literally be the best me (so cliche) then I will see all of that best in others. And when I don't see the best in someone, I can take note that those traits are within me as well. Rather than being angry with them, I can fuel my personal journey.

It brings me back to the concept of ubuntu (my favourite African concept again): "I am who I am because of who we all are."

Reminder: life is a mirror. See the best traits in others and also see the worst. You can see what is going on inside of you in them. And remember that you can only change you. But in doing so - others may just take a note and change too.

And be kind. Always be kind.

So much love!