Wherever you go, there you are

Today marks my one year anniversary of moving to Kelowna.
I'm one week away from my 28th birthday.
And I'm here, in more ways than one.
Let me explain...

I look back on journals and blog posts from last year before I moved and I laugh. I was so excited-scared-nervous-anxious-exhilarated. I decided to move because the choice to stay was irrelevant. I could work from anywhere. I had no bonded ties holding me down. I grew up with many camping trips to the mountains and I wanted to reclaim the coziness and the awe-struck fantasy that I still had in my head about living near such majestic nature. I wanted organic farm markets that were on every roadside. I wanted to canoe on a lake or river close to my home. I wanted options for camping and hiking in my backyard. I had never been to Kelowna in my adult life, but I wanted IT. I have such a soft spot for the prairies and I want to make it clear that I know you can get many of the above there. It's just that for now, I wanted to try something new and the idea of BC tempted and drew me in.

I remember sitting in the kitchen at Aerins just before it was time to leave, with her and Ashley, thinking, "Will I have this sisterhood if I move away? Do I even know what I'm doing? I don't know anyone there. Maybe I'll hate it." I am pretty sure I cried. I knew I would miss my girls. I knew how painful it would be to leave my family. But I also knew that if I stayed somewhere for comfort alone, my spirit would suffer. So I took the leap and moved. Actually, I loaded up my car with only my cat and few belongings, and I drove the 26 hours from Winnipeg to Kelowna without ever having seen my room to rent or having met a soul that lived there.

This past year hasn't always been easy, that is for sure. I heard somewhere it takes about a year and a half before a place feels like home. But for whatever reason, this city and the country life just outside of it has swept me into it like a rushing river.

Fall and winter were undeniably cozy in front of a huge stone fireplace. I made friends, I re-connected with cooking and being alone with myself, and I deepened relationships with friends & family from afar. I made some mistakes and experienced broken hearts. But spring came early. I bought a kayak and started a garden...and somewhere in it all, I realized that when we make decisions to take a new job, or study something new, or move somewhere different, we aren't looking to find ourselves. We are trying to create ourselves. In each and every moment, we get to decide what the next will look like. Decisions such as having a bit more fun with your kids and worrying a bit less about the mess, or planting a garden, or applying for courses you always wanted to take - those are character building decisions. They shape who you can become. And you can continue to make new and different ones everyday.

I will also add that I probably could not have done this without the flexibility of the job I have, or the fact that I go home for work so often that I've seen my family and friends consistently throughout this whole adventure. So grateful.

So today I've lived here for exactly one year. Last night I went camping with two of my best friends here, two kids and two dogs. I left to go there after them so they had to leave me posters on the trees to guide my way. It was the best scavenger hunt I've ever been on because it led me through the woods to a lake, a fire, a campfire dinner, no cell service, and the moon - and it was thirty minutes from my house.

 We talked and ate delicious food, held hands around the fire and did yoga in the moonlight. We had some drinks and laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. We even thought we were going to get eaten by a bear at one point. As the sun set and there was a breathtaking pink sky, we talked about how quickly time passes. How vital it is to just soak it all up every moment. People always say that, but how many times do you actually sit back and really imprint a moment on your heart?

This morning, after coffee and kombucha, I embarked on a solo kayak journey to my favourite spot on Kalamalka. Once again, no cell service, just the sun and the waves and me. I brought four mind expanding, heart challenging books. I docked the kayak and napped and ate grapes and cheese fresh from a farm market on the road side. And then I swam in the crystal clear water. I made some new decisions for my next steps --- goals for my 28th year. On the way home, I stopped at my community garden, picked chard and cucumbers and tended to my other plants. A few people stopped me along the way to ask about my kayak or how much it was to get into the garden. I felt so at ease, so at home.

And tonight I hung out with a friend who I respect a ton and who has taught me a lot in the past year. As we sat out on my deck, overlooking the lights of Kelowna, I could feel myself back to last year - having just moved in - stepping out onto the deck and seeing the same sights, hoping to create a life here full of laughter and hope and growth. It's funny how these two moments have brought so much of that in between.

Let's just say that I'm physically exhausted and mentally and spiritually on fire.

I still don't know if it's the "right" move, per se. I'll never really know. But after a full year's reflection, I'm content. I'm right where I should be, for now. And I hope you know that you are too.

For wherever you go, there you are.