Reflection on my time away

On my last day in Ahuchapan, we were invited to speak at a campecino meeting in a squatters village. As we walked in, I recognized several of the farmers as those that we have seen over the past weeks - in the fields and in the community. The meeting was to discuss the opportunity for the clinic here to become a working project again - and about the Food Security project. On this last day, a very special moment occurred:

Jim & Felix were speaking (as I am still a-stuttering away in Spanish) and one of the gentlemen in the crowd motioned for me to come and sit between him and my favourite special lady - Maria - on a bench in the front row. Things slowed down for me a bit as I walked over, sat down, hugged Maria and gave her kisses and thanked him for inviting me in. It was a moment of being invited to sit with them, rather than stand apart from them. As I sat there, listening with the rest of them, tears came to my eyes because I felt for once that the difference between us evaporated - and just for a moment - I was one of them.

Our last morning in the fields.
To supply each of the campecinos one manzana
- just enough for their family & them -
we would need to fundraise between $150,000 - $450,000. 

The clinic building that is currently abandoned, but
ready to be fixed up provided we could find doctors and
medicine.

Our community meeting. Faces of the heartbeat of ES.

So how do you begin to digest these intensive weeks I've had here? I've received big real life lessons in sociology, philosophy, theology, geography, agronomy and international development. There is a long road ahead of me over the coming days and weeks and months as I get my situation at home worked out. However, a number of priceless knowledge has been given to me and my heart - just as I felt coming home six months ago from India.

I love how every conversation I've been having lately - be it with the community here, with the Canadians that were here building stoves, with my sister or with my friends that I met on the other side of the world - comes back to how we can make a sustainable difference in our own lives and the lives of those around us. And that starts with basic needs. We need to shift the way we are eating as we are causing ourselves all kinds of diseases. We need to shift the way we take care of Mother Earth as environmentally, again, we are causing all kinds of diseases and unrest...when in fact we are given this fertile earth that can grow amazing foods - without chemicals of any kind (unless you buy Monsanto-plagued seeds) - to nourish ourselves and our family. If each family had a little plot of land, a garden and some training, we would all eat well and be fully taken care of.

It's almost as if we need to revert back to simpler times, keeping our knowledge and advancements where they serve humanity only. It means nurturing Mother Earth to provide for us only what we need and then giving back to her where we can. It means if I have a dollar in my pocket - and you have none - I give you a quarter to get started. To share and live equally and in harmony. This is true abundance.

Abundance is not in having "things". It comes in having conversations and living in community. Abundance is having enough food to nourish our bellies and conversation, community and love to nourish our souls.

In going to Central America, in simply taking notes and giving a few smiles and organizing the project a wee little bit, I have given a tiny bit of myself. Yet, I have been given so much. I've been given the gift of reflection and appreciation for my own life, family and friends. I've been given lessons in what it means to truly live and thrive off of a tiny amount. I've been given the gift of renewal in my faith for a better world...if only we can all work together to make that happen.

Do I have to go back to my job? Yes. Do I like what I do everyday? Sure, most days. But in the end, does it give me the means to connect with others, to thrive in a communal workplace where we try to rise up for the greater good - that is left up to me to ensure. It could, if I work with the right type of clients who are wanting to do the right type of good out there. But does my job give me the means to try to continue on now, one step at a time, with my life? Yes. And as I figure out over the coming months where I'm going to move and what I'm going to do, I'm grateful for this.

And where will I go with this gigantic development project that still goes on down in El Salvador? Well, I need to find what skills I can give best to it. That makes me think it's important to look at when I was happiest there. And that's easy, in two situations do I feel really excited and happy: 1) in organizing the projects and getting a handle on what is being done, what has been done, and what needs to be done. In making sense of the chaos. This is the business side of me coming out. 2) in walking with the people. I simply feel my best when setting one foot beside the other with the campecinos and their families.

So what does that mean for next year? I have the opportunity to go down for a much longer time...to live and thrive within the community and to handle some of the project management. I'm not sure how I would make it work as this would not be a paid job, but from what I've seen, anything is possible. I just need Warren Buffett to read this blog and consider me as an investment...

In the Mayan calendar, the 13th baktun is ending. A cycle of 5,125 days. In December, we'll be starting the next cycle on this planet and from what I've heard, it's going to be one much more focused on how we can undo the hurts that we've laid on Mother Earth and start to thrive together.

The times...they are a changin'. 

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Do One Thing Everyday That Scares You

I don't mind public speaking. I do it often in front of clients..in meetings, etc. Yet something about standing up in front of mucho native Spanish speakers - and speaking their language - scares the shiza out of me.

...so yesterday I did just that. We received recognition in front of the other students and most of the teachers for our time here at Casa Xelaju. I had to thank the school and my teacher and I (tried) to crack a joke. In espanol. Ei. Yi. Yi.

Thursday we had a delicious Italian farewell dinner and enjoyed a night of pool and dancing with the amigos we've made here. And yesterday was it. My teacher gave me an angel pendant to watch over me in the pursuit of my dreams and we both shed some tears. It's crazy how quickly time flies.

Rompopo. The delicious drink we want to
find out how to export made of rum, egg yolk,
sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg.

Just another example of my hostess' amazing meals.
Dessert of fresh cherries & peaches heated and Orcheta
to drink. She's the best.

Their adorable grandaughter Ana Sofia
whom lives upstairs.

Italians know how to do it.

My crew at the school whom I will miss mucho mucho.
En serio.

I am sad about leaving my teacher, my family & friends here, I think about how I had to leave somewhere and someone else to get here. It's inevitable and an ongoing cycle of new beginnings... and some people and experiences will stick and turn out to be old friends...

Leaving Esparanza and the family this morning was bittersweet, both because we were lucky to have time together and also because it was 5:30 a.m. Eeek. Esparanza gave us a sweet card with this message (from Henri Nouwen's book, Gracias), "True missioners are people who are hunting for the divine treasures hidden in the heart of the people to whom they want to make the good news known. They always expect to see the beauty and truth of *a Higher Power* shining through those with whom they live and work. The more in touch we are with our own need for healing, the more open we are to receive in gratitude what others have to offer us. One of the most rewarding aspects of being in a strange land is the experience of being loved not for what we can do, but for who we are (at our core). When we become aware that we are loved even when we hardly progress, we can let go of our compulsion to prove ourselves and be free to live with others in fellowship of the weak. That is true healing."

It made me tear up to read this. Not only do I feel loved by people I just met two weeks ago, but I feel as if I was my true self with them. The more experiences I have that push me out of my comfort zone, the more I begin to realize what that true Self is. And the more places I go, the more I remember that wherever you go, there you are. If you go with all your heart, you can always create family around you.

Now? I'm on a bus to El Salvador. We will be in official "intern interview" mode to see if these development projects will be a good fit for me to come back too next spring...for months rather than weeks. I have to be sure it's a fit with my vida too..so we'll see. Right now I have no idea where I'll be living in a couple months so I'm not sure how to be sure about next year. Right?

As I write and we pass the mountains and countryside, I'm just very appreciative for this time I have here. Buen provecho and muchas gracias, Universe. Love.

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We Won the Life Lottery

I don't have to say much here as we all know this fact. We truly won some sort of life lottery to be born in Canada. Were we spiders in our last life and someone's making up for that? Or why, how, are we chosen for the lives we are born into?

A few examples of what I've heard recently from my host family about life in Central America:

1) My host family "dad" has a brother who was in Parque Central, walking across the street. He was hit by a truck in traffic and the taxistas around the park knew he would likely drive away, as so many do here. So, they ran and shouted and set up benches and boxed him in. Rather than getting out and admitting to the crime, he backed up and ran over the same man again, killing him for sure. What happened to the offender? He paid his way out of jail immediately. No justice for the family whatsoever.

2) The family's son had two children and wanted to get into the military for steady work and pay...but, he was hurt badly in a hazing incident and was given absolutely nothing – no pension, no payment, no settlement. He started work at the brewery here, the only job he could get, and hurt his back even further carrying large packages. Now, he has no job, and can't work as he needs surgery. He doesn't know when he will have surgery, so if he was to get a job he would have to miss a day and therefore be fired. If he was fired, he wouldn't work in Quetzaltenango again. He now has three children to support. No home, no job.

3) During the days of the war here in Guatemala, in the late 90's, two college students were out of town and innocently picked some radishes from a local garden to eat. The owners of the garden started shouting that the students were stealing from them, and the town surrounded them. They were burned alive by the town residents.

4) A Guatemalan political official published the Truth & Reconciliation report here and was murdered by a cinder block to the head a day after.

5) Monday at school I was chatting with one of the teachers. She told me about her family, two children and a husband who works in Chicago. He had to move to Chicago to make money as he couldn't find a job here and they hadn't seen each other in over a year. They skype as often as possible, etc etc. Anyway...today I found her again and she instantly opened up to me about how her husband had just asked her for a divorce the day earlier...because he had cheated on her several times.

She told me when she cries, she only cries at night so her children won't hear her. The skies were raining down on us and I told her that maybe it was the sky crying tears for her. I gave her a huge hug and couldn't stop my own tears from flowing. To think of how she had just told me earlier with such pride about her husband making the "hard choice" to go and live away from his family to make money for them. To think about the many women that this happens too here...ugh.

These are just some of the horrors that Guatemalans face and have faced. And there's so much more, it's an injustice for me to post this without mentioning the documentary about the Guatemalan civil war, "When the Mountains Tremble".  And I've heard even worse stories to come from El Salvador, that I will come to learn more about in the next two weeks.

Being around all of this tragedy, the sorrows, and the lack of opportunity makes it easier to get through any darkness or hard times of my own. Everyone has them, for various reasons. When I feel like I have a weight on me, a sadness or a true sorrow, I close my eyes and remember the park here. The people sleeping on the street. The street dogs. The humble family that I live with. Katputli Nagar in India. The women in those slums trying to make a life for their family. The girls I knew that were already married at just a few years old. The street kids with no shoes, no pants and only a huge smile. The friend I made in Zimbabwe, whose father was killed by witch doctors. The children huddled around a stick fire, trying to seek out the last of the day's heat before returning to their homes made from the earth.

I am such a spec.

My heartaches are not the first, nor the last that will ever be. Nor will they make headlines. It doesn't mean they are non-existent and I honour them as such. However, it's humbling to remember how small they are in the sum of the world's problems. And that brings me to the final point - that if I can see the opportunity in them, the joy that can rise out of them - and move forward from them with lessons learned - if I can try to apply those lessons to something productive...and something positive - then maybe I can bring something worthwhile to the world. And that is, in the end, what matters here.

Cheers to my buddy Zach for emailing me this saying as it is so clear and concise. I may never win the 6/49, but I already won the life lottery.

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Este Fin de Semana, Come Dance with me

Saturday we had a beautiful picnic at the Hot Springs that are about half an hour from Xela and then enjoyed dinner and a private concert at a fair trade, organic coffee shop by the park. Sunday, I spent the day on chicken bus after chicken bus (three each way) getting to Chichicastenango...the largest market in Latin America (or so we were told). There was about 10 of us and upon arriving, safely, we shopped, enjoyed a group lunch in a thunderstorm and then made it home somehow in the torrential rains. I feel like I just spent a weekend on that reality show, the World's Most Dangerous Roads. So, here's a weekend in pictures.  Mainly because I am much too tired to be writing anything right now and I have homework to do! Vamos!

Our obstacle upon starting out for Fuentes Georginas.
You can't see it here, but there is a steep, steep hill to our
right. We had to turn around with a 15 point turn
to avoid going over the cliff. Fun.

Plots of land along the way. You see this everywhere.
Each is a different families. It's truly beautiful.

This is looking almost straight down
at one families plot. The biggest enemy to
a farmer can be gravity.

Looking out at the volcanoes on the way to Fuentes

Fuentes Georginas around 7:30 a.m.
Ya. Unreal.

Hawt Springs

Picnic delicioso-ness. Beans & wine.

Private concert from Emilio a la Cafe Red

Parque Centrale at night

Our patio with beautiful flowers and a lime tree just
outside of my room.

Half of our motley crew.
And the lady on the right? If you've ever been at a market
of this sort, you know you can only say "no gracias" so much.

Little darlings. This one stole my heart.
I had to buy whatever she was selling. Lucky for me it
was bookmarks...

Two new familia members & our Sunday night dinners

Papa. Our "Feliz Dia del Padre" host father. 

Happy happy Father's Day to my dad, the best dad in the world. Love you!

To end, a beautiful video:

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So...I guess I leave tomorrow.

This trip has snuck up on me. 

A lot has snuck up. It's been a productive six months since India.
A bit of a whirlwind with some stagnant times and some creative times in there.

And now...I guess I leave to Guatemala tomorrow. 

Purpose of the trip?
Sent to me by the minister that I am travelling with to key principles in the project: Objetivo del viaje es que Tamara llegue a conocer la realidad Salvadoreña, y los proyectos de OTRA FE.

Translation: The objective of this trip is so that Tamara can come to know the Salvadoran reality and the projects of OTRA FE. A faith organization that started based on sentiments such as this:

This faith community knows well that the 65% of the people of El Salvador who are poor have not chosen this life. This percentage of the population of the country has been adversely affected by 500 years of oppression. They are the victims of the “conquests” from the discovery of the Americas right up to the present  (first Spain and now the first world..mostly the USA).  In these present times the government does not slaughter and rape the people as it did during the civil war, but instead has chosen more subtle forms to lay waste to the population. The vast majority of the poor live in conditions of depression, and accustomed poverty, conditions which leave them uneducated and unable to manage in any form the small incomes they may acquire.

Itinerary?

I fly into Guatemala City and stay the night. Then I head to Quetzaltenango for two weeks of language school.

The weekend of June 23 I'm heading to San Salvador (capital of El Salvador) to stay at the Casa Clementina (doesn't that just sound whimsical?) Between there, Metapan and Ahuachapan, I will meet all of the people that I've been getting emails from over the past few months: Otoniel (Agronomist), Felix, Ramon, Angel (soul brothers of Jim's, pastors, and fellow project managers), Deysi (Director of IMU - Women's Rights & Development NGO) and her husband Dagoberto (Former Rebel Comander, Former Deputy, Environmentalist, Lawyer, Philosopher and Theologian).

I will spend a day in Perquin, at the War Museum, and head to El Mozote, a massacre site where Salvadoran armed forces killed between 200 - 1000 civilians in an anti-guerrilla campaign during the Salvadoran Civil War. Unfortunately, as news of the massacre emerged, the Reagan administration in the U.S. attempted to dismiss it because of its reflection of the human rights abuses of the Salvadoran government, which the U.S. was supporting with large amounts of military aid. In December 2011, the El Salvador government apologized for the massacre. You can read about El Mozote here >>

GAH!

Apparently, there is an area where Canadian's (Harper) have mining interests called Chalatenango...this is not a good thing to be supporting (or so I hear). I want to see this with my own eyes.

And there is the possibility of us paying a visit to the Mothers of the Disappeared: a group of women whose children "disappeared" by the Government. Apparently Bono wrote a song about this after visiting El Salvador and Nicaragua because he was so saddened by it and wanted to reach out to las madres.

Over the following couple of days, I will be visiting Metapan and Ahuachapan to meet and talk with members of the Food Security project and to meet families that will be benefiting from it.

Metapan
Right now in Metapan, 175 children from impoverished neighbourhoods are assisted as best as (the organization I'm going with) can to attend school. This is a very small percentage of the some 1700 who live in these areas.  Slowly, some are making it to graduation so that they may attend high school. One of the biggest obstacles with the children is the circle of poverty in which they live. Parents and grandparents do not believe that education will help their children out of the conditions in which they have lived for generations. These are families of great trauma from the war, people who do not know how to be families. They are torn apart by prostitution and abuses of many kinds.

Ahuachapan
In Ahuachapan, the work started by a faith-based group meeting in 2000 and feeling that they wanted to make a difference in the impoverished lives around them. In 2001, there were two earthquakes in this region and many found themselves homeless. Thus, development and aid projects were started, first for emergency supplies and medical treatment, than homes were built. By 2002, 33 homes were built. Later that year, work began on a medical clinic in the community. There was a massive eyeglass campaign nearby. A women's group started where they received training in feminist theology. In 2004; however, elections began and it became apparent that the political arena had the power to build or destroy any community project. And by the end of the year, that clinic was shut down. However, Felix and his people there did not let this crush their spirit. A few things have happened since 2006 up until now. The church continues to hold literacy workshops taught by some of the young women who are in high school and some of the women have started to grow corn and beans as part of a nutrition project. The work of this poor congregation now includes a Saturday lunch program for the elderly and very young who live in and around the Ahuachapan town market. Beans and rice and corn are collected from friends and family who share from what they have and the older women of the church prepare tortillas and the rice and beans. The younger women and some men help in the distribution of the lunch in the park next to the market. Jim & Brenda (who I am travelling with) visited for a short time about a year after their 5 year move there and watched one Saturday from the side lines as 53 elderly and 21 children received a nutritious lunch thanks to the generosity poured out by this church. It's truly the poor feeding the even more poor. And that's powerful. (Please note when I write 'poor' here, I truly only mean in monetary terms).

In 2006, a children's program started where each Saturday the children learn crafts, hygienics, nutrition, reading and writing. This program still runs today.

But here, sustainable agriculture has become a pressing need. The world food crisis has reached El Salvador. Local wisdom is that traditional seeds and growing methods should be re-introduced to decrease dependence on multi-nationals. The question of land acquisition is also on the table. The planned present Food Security project that I am becoming involved with will supply funds to secure land, seed, and teach traditional methods for participating families. Part of what is reaped will be for community consumption, another part will be for re-sale and a third aspect will be to re-invest in further production.

This is simply a learning trip. There is much to take in, including the fact that I will be working within an arena (based on religion) that I know nothing about. But I do know that whether you're religious, or spiritual, or atheist, or agnostic - we are all linked and humanity is about reaching out to those in need.

I stay one night in Georgia on my way home and will land July 8th to enjoy my last Manitoban summer (for now). It's going to be a whirlwind four weeks. I'm not sure yet what it will hold for me post-trip. If I was to move there next year to intern, it could cost upwards of $12,000 for six months and with me moving west, that will be difficult to foresee; yet not impossible! Nothing's impossible. Or I may go back for a shorter amount of time and help from here. Or I may want to focus what I learn and my skills on another project. I have no idea yet.

All I know right now is that I don't know anything. And I can't wait to learn so much while there.

These photos of El Salvador are courtesy of TripAdvisor
 

La Playa

Mayan Ruins

Bam! Adios Canada. BIG Love!

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