You must be careful about the words you allow in your house

“Words are things, I am convinced. You must be careful, careful about the words you use. Or the
words you allow to be used in your house.

You must be careful
Careful about calling people out of their names

Using racial pejoratives and sexual pejoratives
And all that ignorance
Don’t do that

Someday we’ll be able to measure the power of words

I think they are things
I think they get on the walls, they get in your wallpaper, they get in your rugs
In your upholstery, in your clothes and finally…
Into you.”        - Maya Angelou

The other night I attended an International Women's Day event at the Okanagan Heritage Museum. There was a panel of five, who discussed a number of varying topics from indigenous rights to gender equality to marketing to men to colonization and the list goes on. They were an array of activists and rather smart cookies, and towards the end the panelist host asked, "Sometimes it's just all too much. The problems are too big. How can we even help?"

Welcome to my heart. This is how I feel every day. Sometimes I want to conquer the shit out of the world and other days I start to hyperventilate thinking of everything that is broken out there. It seems daunting and oh so overwhelming.

So, I was very interested to hear the replies. And they were oh so surprisingly helpful:

• Teach your children about human rights.
  Pass values down from generation to generation. They are the future. Teach them to stand up for their rights and others. Teach them to respect everyone regardless of age, gender, ethnicity. This is a no-brainer, but it's HUGE! It will be what changes the world. 

• Rejoice in the little celebrations
  Sometimes the movies or pop culture can make it seem like movements can take place in a day, week, month or year. Perhaps a couple years. But in reality, most movements are going to take a lifetime or more. Everyone is waiting for the BIG celebration - the day gay marriage is legal everywhere, the day that indigenous rights are fully restored, the day that gender equality is legitimate around the world. But the truth is, those things might not happen in our lifetime. It did not take a year to abolish slavery or to get the women's right to vote. But every step forward is advancing to that point and each moment counts. Therefore, we have to rejoice in the little things - the days when you hear children in your community caring for someone who has been bullied. The day you hear headlines like "Fredericton High School students hold dress code protest" - amazing. The day you realize that Jian Ghomeshi made the front news for weeks because he treated women wrongly and that finally it deserves a spotlight in the media because it's NOT okay. Let's celebrate these small moments, for they make the movement. 

• Organize an action of your own
  This is a great one and one I've never done solely on my own. I love taking a part in any kind of movement; however, and so last night I thought - well why couldn't myself and a couple of friends host that? We had an in depth conversation about this afterwards. Perhaps this is something that will come to fruition for me soon. 

• Self educate
  Big one. So important. There are so many times that people want to do something and they just don't know what. So start somewhere - read about it, go to lectures on it, attend webinars or seminars, volunteer with an organization close to the cause, and the list goes on. You can get involved by merely picking up a book (to start). It's easier than you think! 

• Speak up against injustice anytime you see it
  If you are in line at the grocery store and someone is being treated wrongly, say it. Say it out loud. So often we hear injustices and pass them with a blind glance. Everyone thinks, "someone else will say something." But what if it could be you? What if someone else was you? 

• Listen to every single story
  One of my favourite parts of last night was a woman who said, "When we connect and listen to each other's stories, we are already fighting the large forces of oppression." Listening is a radical force in itself. Really listen to other people's stories. Take a moment to figuratively walk around in their shoes. That in itself is so loving and so nourishing.

• Deconstruct harmful thoughts and beliefs in everyday life
  I think this is exactly what Maya Angelou is talking about up above. One of the panelists was a young man who works in marketing and studies marketing for men. He said often when a client is describing something to him they will simply say, "It looks too masculine." When he asks what masculine means to them, specifically, they start deconstructing it - it's too bold, too dark, too many harsh, straight lines, basically it's too foreboding. So he takes that opportunity to ask why that necessarily means masculine to them and starts a conversation that may shift their perspective. It really is a radical thought that you can start taking away negatives in any daily conversation. 

Ultimately, it comes down to one thing.

You must be careful about the words you allow in your house. And by changing your daily interactions, you can change the world. 

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Let's Celebrate Womanhood

Well my lovely friend, it's been awhile.

The third last time I wrote was (you guessed it) International Women's Day last year.

That's okay, I have been busy. Moving out to the woods and switching jobs and MCing weddings and sitting in meditation retreats and hiking the forest of my backyard and learning about International Development and social change and travelling to Vegas, Chicago, San Francisco, Halifax, Arizona, going home and spending time with my nephews and niece and well, just living.

But I'm back. For a very simple, yet significant, reason. It's time to celebrate women again.

Tonight I spent a couple of hours learning from a variety of women (and men) with different backgrounds, ethnicities and academic views, about what International Women's Day means to them. I then sat at a cozy bar drinking red wine with two amazing women friends of my own, debating the life and times of being a woman and what International Women's Day should really be about (in our minds).

There are sooooo many different trains of thoughts about what this day could mean (if, might I mention, you have ever even heard of this day. Sad to hear that so many people apparently have not. It's March 8th by the way, and has been around since 1908.) To some people, it could be a day to dissect and stand up for indigenous rights, LGBT rights, men's rights, civil rights, or gender equality. It could mean debating the difference between men and women and why don't men have a day? It could mean dissecting the various segments of being a woman - transgender, gay, bisexual or feminist.

But, after much reflection, I strongly believe it all boils down to this:

International Women's Day is a day of celebration for all of us.

It's a day of solidarity.

It's a day to rejoice on the advancements we have made over time, as a full-on-doesn't-matter-what-race-culture-age you are. It's a day to rejoice about the general species of: women.

A quick google search will show you about twenty sites that have these sad stats about being a woman:

• Women perform 66% of the world’s work and produce 50% of the food. However, they earn just 10% of incomes and own 1% of the property globally
• Out of 197 countries, only 22 of them have women currently serving as heads of state — just 11.2%
• In business, the gender gap remains wide. In the United States, for example, only 21 of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are women.
• In nearly every country, women work longer hours than men and are paid less*

But what I'm looking for are these kinds of facts:

• There are currently 17 countries with women as heads of government, heads of state, or both; this, according to the UN, is more than double what it was in 2005 (yes, this site said 17 instead of 22. It was written earlier than the one above, so look, we have five more in that stat above! More progress!)
• Generally considered to be the world’s first novel, The Tale of Genji was written in Japan around AD 1000 by Murasaki Shikibu—a woman.
• The two highest IQs ever recorded on a standard test both belong to women.
• Mary Queen of Scots has been attributed to creating the world’s first golf course.**

(Yes, the above seem like random facts, but I googled over and over "positive facts about women's rights" and "positive International Women's Day facts" and yet these were, quite literally, the best I could find. Hmmm. Next blog - more celebratory women websites).

In all seriousness, this week I have thought long and hard about what it means to be a woman. In my short life I have traveled to nations that are the poorest in the world. I've sat with women in oppressed regions: in the slums of India, in the dust and dirt of El Salvador. I have seen them laugh. I have seen them rise up against domestic violence. I have seen them plant food and cook feasts, nurture their children, and show more kindness than I knew possible. I have seen ingenuity. And brilliance. And passion. 

I have also sat in elite boardrooms with some of the most intelligent women to walk the planet here in Canada. I have seen those who have the most incredible outward (and inward) beauty - the best clothes that money can buy, the best make-up, the best hair, the nicest houses, the whole damn white picket fence. 

I have loved and admired both sets of women alike. And I've seen so many similarities. I have seen hard work and determination and grit in each and every single one of them. I have seen wisdom, grace, and nurturing spirits. It doesn't matter which set it's coming from, there is something seriously special about being a female. 

So what does being a woman mean, universally? 

It means loving with all of your heart. Taking risks and being vulnerable and opening yourself up to heartache on the behalf of others. It means spending long nights cooking and cleaning for people so that they will be pleased, happy, and nourished. It means not worrying about getting credit for the love that you bestow constantly - the light that you shine, because seeing others happiness is enough. It means loving from afar and letting go and holding tightly and not wanting to let go. Being a woman means being a life force. Literally. It means passing on the eternal breath of nature. It brings about motherhood, which I have not stepped into yet, but experienced through so many of my very closest loved ones and my own (possibly the best woman alive) my mother. This, to me, is everything in life. This has given every single one of you reading this LIFE. That is no small feat. That is no mistake by nature. That is something that needs celebrating.  

Being a woman means creating connections with girlfriends that only sisterhood can understood. It means that when a friend comes over after a heartbreak, you get the chocolate cake ready. It means when a friend is really going through tough times, you get the spare room ready, no questions asked. It might mean planting a garden, doing eight loads of laundry, settling thirty disputes, changing five diapers, cooking dinner for the family, and planning the next grocery list - all in eight hours. It might mean traveling all day for work and listening to eight co-workers concerns and making them feel special and forgetting to do your own yoga practice because other people need you and calling your girlfriend at 11 p.m. when you're meant to go to bed because she needs to know what to wear tomorrow. 

Being a woman means that you truly care.

It means being a mother, a sister, an aunt, a grandma. 

It's something that you cannot describe in so many words.

It means so much. 

My biggest wish is that everyone, on Sunday, March 8th, will spend the day just rejoicing in the womanhood around the world. Thank the woman next to you, or the one that gave life to you. Let's forget all the other segments it can break into and for one day - let's just celebrate womanhood.

* Source: http://www.theglobalist.com/10-facts-international-womens-day/
** Source: http://www.levo.com/articles/news/facts-about-women-international-womens-day

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