The defining moment in my life that shifted the way I was thinking...and brought me to ubuntu.
Great question. Tough to answer.
In the sense of living and breathing and working and playing.
the Good.
Monday.
Sometimes I wonder, when the women and girls I am teaching are speaking rapidly in Hindi, are they talking about me? Are they enjoying learning? I am not an English teacher by nature. Nor am I a teacher by nature. I have little patience most of the time and very much support people who are self reliant and self learners. However, since being here I have never had a moment where I am frustrated with the pace at which anyone is learning. I have felt completely in my element, which is surprising when it is so out of my element. Classes seem like they are going great and I love celebrating the small successes and daily there is a moment in class where something happens, a simple smile, or a great conversation, where I fight back positive tears of feeling right where I should be right now. Its just hard to know how the girls are interpreting it. So yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised when one of the new interns who was sitting in on a lesson asked me if I was a teacher at home. I laughed and said, “no no no!” and she replied that she thought I was because I was doing well. This is nice to hear. Kind of a saving grace after four weeks. Later in my girls session they were complaining about their hands being sore from writing so much and I was telling them that the only way to learn English well is to read, write and speak it every single day. It seemed to motivate them, but I felt like my teachers in school and remembered that sometimes they annoyed me by saying stuff like that. Yet one of my (favourite) girls looked up at me and said, “Tamara, you are very good teacher. We are learning much from you and then you will be gone next week…” And was sad. It made me cry little happy tears, but it also made me so sad for them, these volunteers coming in and out and very little stability. I feel like I haven’t had the time I would love to have with them. As I was leaving work today with many of my translators and co-workers, saying bye to the girls, I felt so home! But, this is what time allowed in my life right now and I must remember that.
the Bad.
On the flip side, Tuesday was an extremely frustrating day, as some can be when working with NGOs that have overwhelming duties and very few resources, time or money to accomplish them. I actually said the words 'I am mad at India' aloud. (I’m not really India. I still love you!) But why was I so frustrated? Many reasons. My classes were interrupted repeatedly with a potential donor to the school, making it very hard for everyone to concentrate (esp. as he was a young man from the U.K. and the girls were a bit gaga) -- yet I understand the PR side of that too. They want to see the girls in their element, learning and reading. The girls were doing a small quiz and were getting high test scores – so that was good. But an ad hoc ‘meeting’ erupted in my classroom while we were discussing an important newspaper article. We were having a good conversation and thus, it was challenging to be abruptly cut off. There are further reasons that I won’t share here.
Then on the way home, I felt some major discrimination. A new law has come into effect here where tuk tuk drivers must use their meters when driving and charge accordingly. Usually we just barter each time, based on what we felt or were told by past volunteers that the rides should be. But we were paying slightly higher than normal, of course, being foreigners. Now there is this law for everyone to pay the same.. so now drivers could care less about us I guess - they are flying past us. They see us as having white skin and therefore being very, very rich, so they either think it’s not fair that we only pay the meter, or they stop and say – 20 Rs extra, plus the meter. Which we absolutely can do, but in reality it isn’t right and has been a problem for all the volunteers here. This is my fourth week, I’m hot and exhausted, yet it takes me a good half an hour on the way home from work to even be stopped for? Ugh. It’s all about the experience though right?
the Beautiful.
In other news, I purchased my sari for the wedding Monday night and am picking it up tonight. Ta da! I feel like I’ve finally ‘become’ in Indian culture. It’s almost as if this sari found me. We went Monday night to go to our first Bollywood movie at the Raj Mandir (the largest cinema in India) (and that was an experience in itself – craaaazy lines and shouting people. “Oh but” my grandmother would’ve said!) and the movie sold out so we wandered across the street to a small locals shop. I knew I wanted to shop for a sari this week, but didn’t know where to start. There are so many beautiful , incredible colours and trying to choose overwhelmed me. So I tried on three or four very colourful ones and they made me feel glamorous, as if I was going to the Oscars. Yet they didn’t feel right. Then – I saw ‘the one’. Orange, with shimmering silver and gold and bronze flowers. As I tried it on there were some small children at the entrance to the shop that were saying 'ooohhh sooo beeeeautiful' in their gorgeous Indian accents and I was laughing and twirling and felt like a queen. So can you tell? I’m very excited to have found ‘my’ sari.
Back to work - but still beautiful - I have another volunteer now during the women’s session so I am able to test the women individually. I got two more women’s pre-assessment quizzes done and will complete the final two tomorrow which is good as it's the goal I had set for myself by the end of my time here. We also had a discussion at the beginning of class about the true empowerment of getting educated and securing a job. This means not having to depend on husbands or in-laws, but rather providing for oneself. My translator explained to the women that her in-laws didn't agree with the money she wanted to spend on her daughters education, so she is paying it herself.
Powerful? I think so.
And in my girls class, we read an article pertaining to the Government of India making it 'mandatory' for there to be toilets in all schools by the end of November, particularly for girls. I asked specific questions relating to why girls need toilets more and although the girls were shy at first to discuss such an issue as menstruation, we did get into how incredible the woman's body truly is for being able to give birth and nourish their child. We also discussed other barriers to children or girls going to school, including having no money and needing to work, having a lack of transportation, and having (what we called in class) old fashioned mindsets with the elders in the family. These girls though? They are going to go far...this I know for sure.
Powerful Wednesday. Now off to my first Bollywood movie. Sundar pyaar! (Beautiful love)
Monday.
Sometimes I wonder, when the women and girls I am teaching are speaking rapidly in Hindi, are they talking about me? Are they enjoying learning? I am not an English teacher by nature. Nor am I a teacher by nature. I have little patience most of the time and very much support people who are self reliant and self learners. However, since being here I have never had a moment where I am frustrated with the pace at which anyone is learning. I have felt completely in my element, which is surprising when it is so out of my element. Classes seem like they are going great and I love celebrating the small successes and daily there is a moment in class where something happens, a simple smile, or a great conversation, where I fight back positive tears of feeling right where I should be right now. Its just hard to know how the girls are interpreting it. So yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised when one of the new interns who was sitting in on a lesson asked me if I was a teacher at home. I laughed and said, “no no no!” and she replied that she thought I was because I was doing well. This is nice to hear. Kind of a saving grace after four weeks. Later in my girls session they were complaining about their hands being sore from writing so much and I was telling them that the only way to learn English well is to read, write and speak it every single day. It seemed to motivate them, but I felt like my teachers in school and remembered that sometimes they annoyed me by saying stuff like that. Yet one of my (favourite) girls looked up at me and said, “Tamara, you are very good teacher. We are learning much from you and then you will be gone next week…” And was sad. It made me cry little happy tears, but it also made me so sad for them, these volunteers coming in and out and very little stability. I feel like I haven’t had the time I would love to have with them. As I was leaving work today with many of my translators and co-workers, saying bye to the girls, I felt so home! But, this is what time allowed in my life right now and I must remember that.
the Bad.
On the flip side, Tuesday was an extremely frustrating day, as some can be when working with NGOs that have overwhelming duties and very few resources, time or money to accomplish them. I actually said the words 'I am mad at India' aloud. (I’m not really India. I still love you!) But why was I so frustrated? Many reasons. My classes were interrupted repeatedly with a potential donor to the school, making it very hard for everyone to concentrate (esp. as he was a young man from the U.K. and the girls were a bit gaga) -- yet I understand the PR side of that too. They want to see the girls in their element, learning and reading. The girls were doing a small quiz and were getting high test scores – so that was good. But an ad hoc ‘meeting’ erupted in my classroom while we were discussing an important newspaper article. We were having a good conversation and thus, it was challenging to be abruptly cut off. There are further reasons that I won’t share here.
Then on the way home, I felt some major discrimination. A new law has come into effect here where tuk tuk drivers must use their meters when driving and charge accordingly. Usually we just barter each time, based on what we felt or were told by past volunteers that the rides should be. But we were paying slightly higher than normal, of course, being foreigners. Now there is this law for everyone to pay the same.. so now drivers could care less about us I guess - they are flying past us. They see us as having white skin and therefore being very, very rich, so they either think it’s not fair that we only pay the meter, or they stop and say – 20 Rs extra, plus the meter. Which we absolutely can do, but in reality it isn’t right and has been a problem for all the volunteers here. This is my fourth week, I’m hot and exhausted, yet it takes me a good half an hour on the way home from work to even be stopped for? Ugh. It’s all about the experience though right?
the Beautiful.
In other news, I purchased my sari for the wedding Monday night and am picking it up tonight. Ta da! I feel like I’ve finally ‘become’ in Indian culture. It’s almost as if this sari found me. We went Monday night to go to our first Bollywood movie at the Raj Mandir (the largest cinema in India) (and that was an experience in itself – craaaazy lines and shouting people. “Oh but” my grandmother would’ve said!) and the movie sold out so we wandered across the street to a small locals shop. I knew I wanted to shop for a sari this week, but didn’t know where to start. There are so many beautiful , incredible colours and trying to choose overwhelmed me. So I tried on three or four very colourful ones and they made me feel glamorous, as if I was going to the Oscars. Yet they didn’t feel right. Then – I saw ‘the one’. Orange, with shimmering silver and gold and bronze flowers. As I tried it on there were some small children at the entrance to the shop that were saying 'ooohhh sooo beeeeautiful' in their gorgeous Indian accents and I was laughing and twirling and felt like a queen. So can you tell? I’m very excited to have found ‘my’ sari.
Back to work - but still beautiful - I have another volunteer now during the women’s session so I am able to test the women individually. I got two more women’s pre-assessment quizzes done and will complete the final two tomorrow which is good as it's the goal I had set for myself by the end of my time here. We also had a discussion at the beginning of class about the true empowerment of getting educated and securing a job. This means not having to depend on husbands or in-laws, but rather providing for oneself. My translator explained to the women that her in-laws didn't agree with the money she wanted to spend on her daughters education, so she is paying it herself.
Powerful? I think so.
And in my girls class, we read an article pertaining to the Government of India making it 'mandatory' for there to be toilets in all schools by the end of November, particularly for girls. I asked specific questions relating to why girls need toilets more and although the girls were shy at first to discuss such an issue as menstruation, we did get into how incredible the woman's body truly is for being able to give birth and nourish their child. We also discussed other barriers to children or girls going to school, including having no money and needing to work, having a lack of transportation, and having (what we called in class) old fashioned mindsets with the elders in the family. These girls though? They are going to go far...this I know for sure.
Powerful Wednesday. Now off to my first Bollywood movie. Sundar pyaar! (Beautiful love)
I am so proud of you Tam - for dreaming big and making a difference. I pray some day I will be reading Kason's blog while he is making a difference! I LOVE YOU
ReplyDeleteYou teach with your love and that makes the difference.
ReplyDelete