Patience Child

I guess you would call me the classic struggler to do things bigger and better all the time. I was out for a glass of wine after a hardcore study session last night and my friend Tara was literally giggling as I talked about all of the things I want to do / have a choice to do / may do in the next 6 months. Here we are, trying to finish the final course in our degree and I have a million more ideas of what I want to continue with school. A million places I want to travel and move too.

I thought of the smart words a friend of mine sent me awhile ago when I went through the same verbal diarrhea with her:

As for your next step - patience child. The wonderful time of renewal is just around the corner so take this time to let your recent adventure sink in and ponder your next steps while feeling calm and proud of what you're accomplished. I know for a fact it's part of the mid-20-something crisis that we're all going through and for perfectionists/high-achievers like yourself, it's even more difficlt. You aim to impress, please and succeed and I know you'll do it all - it will just take time. Everyone has their turn.

Ahhhh. What wise, wise words. There are a million things I want to do, but for now, I'm progressing towards them....slowly.

This made me pay even more attention to this article when a friend sent it my way last month on Releasing the Urge to Push and being Kind to Yourself Instead. The whole article is wonderful, but a snippet to pique your interest:

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola

...at very long last, I decided to undertake a project to be kinder to myself. I started sleeping more, and feeling better. I began eating what I wanted to eat instead of what I was “supposed to” eat. I stopped going to the gym six days a week and instead went when I darn well felt like moving my body. What happened then? Things blossomed. Life seemed easier, because I was consciously letting go of the urge to fight. Opportunities came to me.

I gradually began to notice that there was more good to be found in my life than bad—more ease than struggle.I’m a little afraid that I’m making this sound like an overnight shift into ease, or like my life is all rainbows and gumdrops now. That’s not at all the case. I’d say it’s been at least seven years since the first inklings of change took root...

...I’ve wanted to sacrifice the present moment for some imagined future, and I’ve stopped myself, hundreds of times, from doing so.I’ve thought to myself, if I put every spare cent in my paycheck toward paying off student loans, maybe I could be done sooner. I’ve wanted to skimp on buying the foods that nourish me in order to cut corners. I’ve wanted to stay up late and write another blog post, imagining the difference that midnight thrust might make in the future (a future that, as we all know, will never arrive, because by then I’ll be bulldozing on toward the next future).

Over and over again, I’ve reigned myself back. I’ve done what I can. I’ve gotten nine hours of sleep. I’ve eaten well and spent weekend afternoons in my pajamas watching Breaking Bad. I haven’t regretted it.

Every time I hold myself back from indiscriminately pushing, I experience the unsettling openness of being right here, right now. I become receptive to pleasure, nourishment, connection with other people, and connection with myself. In that moment, I accept my imperfections.

I begin to see everything that’s around me right now: the colorful people bustling down New York City sidewalks, the mosses peeking gently between stones, the light glinting off glass skyscrapers. I take a second to fight the urge to push, and that second transforms my life. If you can relate to that instinct to push yourself unnecessarily hard, you may want to try these simple guidelines to bring yourself back to the present:

• When you’re feeling the urge to push yourself harder, take a moment to pause before acting. Think about what you need most right now. Is it sleep? A nourishing meal? Connection with a friend? Whatever it is, do that.

• Close your eyes for a moment and pay attention to your body. Tune into where you feel tension, or anxiety, or where you just feel good. Take a few very deep breaths, into your belly. Ask yourself if you have any options right now that sound more appealing than pushing yourself harder. When you receive an answer, follow your instincts.

• Reach out to other people for help and input. Sometimes, we don’t see any options besides working harder. But other people, be they friends, therapists, coaches or mentors, can often see opportunities for self-kindness that we can’s see ourselves. You might be surprised by the insights other people have to share.

Read it all here >>

So if you're like me and you're a constant pusher, take the time today to be KIND to yourself.